kinda miss how things used to be month's ago, really miss it a lot, idk why im saying this too, i had such an amazing day! like i completely loved it, kinda. idk i guess im really dumb and weird :/ i feel so depressed tonight, just wished i never did what i did that one day, cause even though i was so happy when it happened, it was the worse mistake of my life. its too addicting and it just makes things complete shit! maybe if we were older it wouldn't be at all bad :( i just don't feel like your fine and im still trapped in that wall, like i got nowhere, just wish my prayers come trough and i could be older right now. wish she could be at least fine, cause i never know how to cheer you up or what to say which makes me feel like a dumbass and i can't do anything about it. i hope you'll be okay. i hope we get through this together, and i will still be here no matter what. i know nothings gonna happen but you being worried makes me worried and just want to comfort you so you could feel not worried.
i saw eatpray&love today, just reminded me how much i still wanna travel the world and find happiness. i wanna fucken grow up already!! my only hope for the future is that i don't turn out like those stressed out people and that i HAVE FUN and ENJOY LIFE. cause that's all i really want for my life to be like, but people keep on telling me that its never gonna happen and that its just unreal. which i fucken hate cause i feel like they're right, i mean i can't even find a fucken job, idk what to do, can't support myself at all. im screwed :'(
i think if we all went through life without worries we'll enjoy more than anything. i just wanna be left the fuck alone now, im tired of being the screw up and worrying all the fucking god damn time and cops annoying the shit out of me. EVERYONE FUCKING DIE NOW!!! but at the same time i wish i had a best friend i could talk to about anything in world. can't trust anyone though :/ that's the sad truth. jackie is the only one that makes me feel better when i talk/be around her and i know you're probably seeing this right now too and idc really...i think im the one who is feeling suicidal. i hate people. just wanna live with you alone in the world. sounds corny but very true at this point. i don't think ill ever find a best friend :'( cause everyone is a fucken DICK! and no one is like me or understands me. i just want a friend right now..
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