i wish i was hot, i hope my dreams come true. hope the future comes out to be like i want it now. i can only hope.

don't feel good at all. don't deserve to be here or anywhere. i strongly regret my existence/birth. i mean it. strongly. fuck my birth. now i have to live for the next 40 or 60, maybe 70 something years? wtf, i never asked for this. fml.

oh how good life is : )

too much drawing its making me sick to even look at this. i wanna do something else for again. can't wait to finally be done with this

you make me so happy :) i am so happy we both are with each other. i am so happy :)))

oh how happy i am right now :)!!!! i wish i could turn my feelings towards you into words (like better than i already do). happy day :) can't wait to see jackie tomorrow. really excited to giver her the picture i made for her and HOPEFULLY cuddle with her for a little bit : )

We're like Rachel and Ross

their's no one more beautiful in my eyes then youuuuuuuuuu!

HELPPPPPP MEEEEEEEE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LIVE ANYMORE. SOMEONE SAVE MEE!!!!! I HATE THIS. I WANNNA DIEEE!!!!! PLEASEEE!!!!! :'( :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'( TOO MUCH PAIN!!!!

:(

the world is going mad. everyone's being punished or tortured. everyone's miserable. like wtf is going on. i remember the good old days when none of us were being punished, tortured, and miserable. i hope they come back. I really really hope better days come after the worst days. cause even i have noticed that's how the cycle goes. after something bad their is always something good...and then something bad, and it just goes on. i just want better days for the one's i care about. maybe even a little. this are the dark ages to me. well im not sure about that. but a lot of struggle in the world. and i want everything to okay again with everyone.

If you gave me the opportunity to come with you to be together for the rest our lifes, i would come by and follow you all the way to the end.

and the memories that you and me share are still not enough. cause i know there more and better memories to come. and ill be waiting here for them to come.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! THIS TIME ITS ONNNN!!!!

this has been the best/worst year of my life and i just want it to end and i want myself to stop overthinking things. i hate my lifeeee! lol

i wish time went faster

hw and then draw. then drums, and skating.

their is no hope anymore. happiness has left my body. i will never be happy again. i don't wanna talk to anyone in school tm if i go. i just wanna be my depressed self. nothing can cheer me up at this point. its not gonna happen. i wanna run away. i think i should. if i can't be happy. if i can't leave this world. i should just run away. this world is just full of let down's. and i can't take it anymore. their is no hope for me anymore :'( im too deep in the hole to get over you. you will never see my smile again..

kill me now world. kill me now. i really wanna leave this fucking life. fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck. i am not happy at all. i need to cry so much right now but i have to go to that fucken bitches house. fml :'( i don't know if im going to school tm

"I think our love can make us do anything we want to". i miss you jackie :'(

i wish i had my old reputation where everyone could trust me. now no one does.

nirvana

jackie sent me a song today and its the perfect song to describe how i feel and probably how she feels. we both miss each other really badly and are misearable. i don't know whose in the most pain though, me or her? :'( i really hope she can love like she wants to soon, cause i have changed and i am ready to go back (2 days can actually do a lot surprisingly). we're both crying at least once every day, we know that. today i cried while i was sleepy (i know wtf)i didn't wanna tell you cause i felt like you wouldn't believe me and you'd think its stupid. your saving me as the mins go by and i wanna save you now, i really hope i can help you through this. i wanna do w/e it takes for you to be happy again. i still love you..

depressed :'/

i've lost all the feelings i ever had. i don't even know how to feel anything anymore. everything seems dull and boring. nothing excites me. nothing interests me. im not like i used to be anymore. i've changed, and this has really changed me. i don't think anyone will even recognized me ever again. im too afraid of love now, even though i am in love right now, i just don't wanna be anymore. its really hard, even if it was love or wasn't. its just not easy to not love someone anymore. it just keeps hurting..i never wanna love again.

it will take more than a million years to get over you. The only home i have is being you, i wish you would remember the good times that we had, and come back.

fuck college, fuck school, fuck everything, wish i was never born, nothing is worth this much suffering

talked to ryan, made me feel better but also cry more, just hope she comes back to me more than anything in the world

"when was the last time you missed me, you loved me, you wanted me hold you..cause lately i've missed you telling me that"

im boring

i really wish i wasn't so boring, i've been trying for month's to try and not be boring, instead it has gotten worse, and its with everyone i know, this fucken sucks :/ im just the same old same old..

i think a lot..

idk if you think of it as good or bad but...i think i have fallen with you so much that like..i think about you almost 24/7!? i feel like thats too crazy haha and i thinking about you without me is i think now THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME EVER. like idk i just wanna be with you forever, sorry if its bad but thats how i feel. but i feel really bad that jackie has been stressed out with all this school work and has all this college stuff to deal with, i really wish i could help her out somehow, but really can't do anything :/ hope next week is better for her, or it gets better

make me smile like their's no tomorrow, i absolutely love you< 3

had a good heart to heart moment with jackie :') and really wish i was with her the whole time, so i could hold you. i don't wanna say more on here cause i don't think you want me to tell the people that are following me. I love you Jackie :')

i know we can get through this, and i know i will be with you forever, but i still need your help, don't give up!

I FUCKEN HATE EVERRRRYYYYYYYYYYOOOOONNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!! SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!

shut the fuck up

kinda miss how things used to be month's ago, really miss it a lot, idk why im saying this too, i had such an amazing day! like i completely loved it, kinda. idk i guess im really dumb and weird :/ i feel so depressed tonight, just wished i never did what i did that one day, cause even though i was so happy when it happened, it was the worse mistake of my life. its too addicting and it just makes things complete shit! maybe if we were older it wouldn't be at all bad :( i just don't feel like your fine and im still trapped in that wall, like i got nowhere, just wish my prayers come trough and i could be older right now. wish she could be at least fine, cause i never know how to cheer you up or what to say which makes me feel like a dumbass and i can't do anything about it. i hope you'll be okay. i hope we get through this together, and i will still be here no matter what. i know nothings gonna happen but you being worried makes me worried and just want to comfort you so you could feel not worried.

i saw eatpray&love today, just reminded me how much i still wanna travel the world and find happiness. i wanna fucken grow up already!! my only hope for the future is that i don't turn out like those stressed out people and that i HAVE FUN and ENJOY LIFE. cause that's all i really want for my life to be like, but people keep on telling me that its never gonna happen and that its just unreal. which i fucken hate cause i feel like they're right, i mean i can't even find a fucken job, idk what to do, can't support myself at all. im screwed :'(

i think if we all went through life without worries we'll enjoy more than anything. i just wanna be left the fuck alone now, im tired of being the screw up and worrying all the fucking god damn time and cops annoying the shit out of me. EVERYONE FUCKING DIE NOW!!! but at the same time i wish i had a best friend i could talk to about anything in world. can't trust anyone though :/ that's the sad truth. jackie is the only one that makes me feel better when i talk/be around her and i know you're probably seeing this right now too and idc really...i think im the one who is feeling suicidal. i hate people. just wanna live with you alone in the world. sounds corny but very true at this point. i don't think ill ever find a best friend :'( cause everyone is a fucken DICK! and no one is like me or understands me. i just want a friend right now..

im kinda sad, idk why, i feel like im trapped and i want to do more, i want to experience a lot of things and i don't think ill ever get the chance to experience any of this :/ i really want to do a lot of things, just don't think it'll ever happen. i guess i now know why actually..

i feel really depressed right now, idk why, its really gay cause nothing bad happened today, in fact i really loved today, but i guess tiredness=depression :/ but i may know why this happened, but i really wish i could be with jackie right now, fucken hate this

FUCK!!!!FUCK!!!! EVERYTHING WENT WRONG..

i really hate how skateboarding is so easy for everyone else except me....FUCKING GHEY GHEY GHEY! >:[

really miss you..

"Its better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you're not...."
- Kurt Cobain

is gonna skate like never before because i feel inspired

sex was fucken amazing! i am officially a sex addict hahaha

got woken up by a baby at 3:15 screaming outside my window, got scared the shit out cause i was like wtf is that, did someone abandon there baby outside my house and its scarying the shit out of me, and then couldn't sleep. I was also thinking too much again and had a nervous breakdown in my head, i was freaking out, so i decided to listen to music and put my songs on shuffle, and after like 10 random positive songs, i realized everything is gonna be okay, but i still can't sleep no matter what. Im still listening to music to calm my ass down. I honestly did not expect this.

Poncakkkeeessss!

is really happy to have Jaclyn (: she's the only one that can really make me truly happy.

hmmmmmm confuseeeeeeed lol kaying on my bed now and am sooo sick of school hate hw and teachers! can go burn in hell(: really wish i could do something productive with my life right now. I feel really lazy right now with everything. i feel like im starting to get really good with skateboarding, sometimes think i actually think i could make the "big dream" happen, but unfortunately i know that is all a lie and i wouldn't make it. i think its time to draw, really want to finish kurt cobain! and i look pretty sexy with jaclyn's bob marley sack hahahaha

This blog makes no-sense

been having feelings that i've been messing up on a lot of things or everything. Not really sure what's going on with me, i should be happy right now, but im not, and i feel like im floating and theirs an earthquake going on haha im definitely fucked up.

Its amazing how 1 sentence can change you to be happy again(: i hope i keep this feeling.

FML

I WANT A MOTHER FUCKEN CAR!!!! IM SCREAMING OF BOREDOM WHILE EVERYONE'S OUT HAVING A GOOD TIME!!!! FUUUCCCKKKKK! that's all i gotta say.

Had the best time last night! it actually made my day haha and now because of that im feeling pretty good now. I kinda feel like i just had one of those crazy nights and now just wanna rest in my house for a bit. But unfortunately i can't :/ . My friends want me to go to the mall but im thinking about ditching that cause i really see no point in going. Its weird cause i used to look foward to that, but now i feel myself changing, like im not being controlled, like i now have control over my life.And around 6 , i got invited to go to a sweet 16 thing, which i also REALLY don't wanna go to, but if i don't go, my 4 of my kinda closest friends are gonna be sooo fucken pissed at me, so i really have no choice :/. I really wish i could disappear off the face of the earth for just today. But im not gonna wear what they call "suits", but what i call monkey suits lol. So yea gonna probably skate for a bit, cause that's the only thing that helps get my mind off things and then draw for a bit.
I've also been having the most fucken strangest dreams EVER. Its been happening for weeks! now haha idk, i actually kinda like them, but i think i've been sleep talking alot and walking too!? while having this dreams cause i honestly think this dreams are real and then i get tricked.
P.S. im listening to killers! can't stop listening to them for some reason haha their too good!

OMG IM LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW! XD I have been inspired for the first time in my life, and never thought i would be inspired to do this, or ever do this, but i have been inspired to write lol still can't believe i am but i just feel something flowing inside me that i must write i guess hahaha and I am the luckiest 2 year old EVER! :D

hmmm just finished watching (500) days of summer and.....i kinda feel bad for the guy kinda towards the end, cause i used to feel the same way a while back, well i was kinda the same, so that kinda made me feel sad a bit. Now don't know what to do lol...........im gonna make the popcorn pop lol and i REALLY wanna draw something but don't know what to do hmmm....this is very frustrating >:(

im feeling really confused, i don't know if i should take the risk or not, don't know if she wants it X( butttttttttt im really enjoying my wet long hair right now hahaaha its so flingy and fun to play with hahaha and im pissed that 1 hw took 5 hours -_- but thank god im done. Now gonna do something idk hahaha

just finished eating, and am now gonna rest in my room for a bit and watch Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist, not gonna fall asleep this time though lol. im also wondering when im gonna be all healed up cause i really wanna skate normally again....but I AM HAPPY! :)

trying my best to get kurt cobain's hair detailed good, while listening to La Dispute! and gonna call jackie in a little bit(: