:( i don't know where my mind is anymore, im completely lost. Like when you leave to SVA, what am i suppose to do?...how is everything suppose to be with us?...i think we both know the answer, but at the same time don't. i feel like that's the dead line for what we are doing. idk, i guess i just have to prepare myself for what's coming up ahead for me. i wish someone was here for me. I can't make it through this alone. It seems like the bad things in life are hitting my family hard. First it was Juan, then a week later me, and lastly 2 weeks later..adrian. We are all very sad at this moment. All of us don't know what we are doing or how to deal with this. Knowing that this is happening to adrian and juan too is actually making me even more sad now. seeing adrian yesterday panic made me see myself when jackie first really broke up with me. i think he was worse though bc they were together for a long time, longer than me and jackie double'd. None of us can escape the memories . The memories that really meant a lot to us and that we really put our true feelings in thinking we would never get hurt bc she was so perfect for you, it just seemed impossible. That's why it hurts so much, we lost more than you, we lost the most important part of ourselve's with you. I don't know what im doing anymore, like wtf is going to happen after you leave?!

Im feeling so sad right now, more than usual like different, but hurts more. Everything that i wanna say or want to say, is always the wrong thing to say with you. It all makes me sad. My feelings for you over power anything in me. Its been like more than 2 weeks since we broke up, and i...i just can't stop thinking about you, everything around me reminds me of you, Everyday since we started dating.

I just want to be happy :(((( i really really really, don't know how much more clearly i can be to say that im completely sad without you. i need somebody, i need something, i need anything to get me back to that happy land where everything felt right...everything felt great, amazing...where sadness seemed impossible to find in this world. Its funny how everything is the opposite now, everything feels wrong...everything feels worse, horrible...where HAPPYNESS seems impossible to find in this world. im in the bottom of the pit, im sorry for everything guys, i have failed you all, i have dissappointed you all. Im not like any of you. I don't belong here, i never did.

..Im now going to cry for the rest of the night while listening to my sad music, good night lucky people, you guys are truly blessed.